you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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