Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
