Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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