Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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