I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
youre lurking in front of me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
