I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
