Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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