That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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