my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
