I hate your face
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
