In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
