the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
