He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
