Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
