Pappa wants mamma naked
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
