I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
