the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
