you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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