I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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