I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
