He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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