The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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