making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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