I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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