Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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