Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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