All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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