Apparently you make a good broom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
