he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
