come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
