I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize