and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
