They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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