pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
