I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
