We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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