I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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