the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
