Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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