how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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