I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
