she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
