kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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