Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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