Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
