You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
