hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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