Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
