Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think my mom watched the whole time
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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