Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
