Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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