She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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