everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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