I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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