I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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