I accidentally had phone sex last night
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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