The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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