Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
