New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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