If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
