I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
