What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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