If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk is not a location!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
