Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
