I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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