i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
