You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
