My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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