why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
home. puking in laundry basket.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
