If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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