I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
