Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
