We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
