She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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