Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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