I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
