If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
