We're facebook friends in real life
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
